Here Without You
by Luke Rules
Summary: Song fic Jess' thoughts on leaving Rory
1. Default Chapter

"Here Without You"  
  
NAME - Sandra aka Lukerules  
  
SPOILERS - None  
  
SUMMARY - A quick and short one chapter fic. Jess' reflections on leaving - my first song fic (by 3 Doors Down). I have no idea why except that whenever I hear the song on the radio I think about Jess (sigh).  
  
RATING -PG-13 (for language only)  
  
PAIRING OR CHARACTER - J  
  
DISCLAIMER - I own the rights to none of the characters, situations or places or anything to do with Gilmore Girls. They are owned by the WB and Amy S-P.  
  
FEEDBACK: Of course! Please!  
  
Jess sat on a bench on the boardwalk overlooking the ocean. It's what he usually did with the precious hour of freedom between his high school classes and work. He checked his watch, he had 15 more minutes before starting his shift at the bookstore down the street.  
  
A hundred days had made me older  
  
since the last time that I saw your pretty face  
  
A thousand lights had made me colder  
  
and I don't think I can look at this the same  
  
He tried to concentrate on the book he was reading, but closed it in frustration, throwing it into the backpack with his school books. He sighed and looked out to the water. It was a serene feeling, kind of like sitting on the bridge back in Stars Hollow. It's funny how so many things kept bringing his mind back there. 'You really fucked up this time, Mariano' he said to himself quietly.  
  
But all the miles had separate  
  
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face  
  
'Today's her first day at Yale' he thought to himself. He had it noted the date in his journal that he wrote in every night. He thought about writing to her every day. He thought about calling her every day. But he never did. Not since the day of her graduation from Chilton when she told him that she might have loved him but she was not going to pine for him.  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
but your still on my lonely mind  
  
I think about you baby  
  
and I dream about you all the time  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
but your still with me in my dreams  
  
And tonight it's only you and me  
  
He promised himself that he wouldn't do it, he wouldn't contact her. He wouldn't hurt her anymore than he already had. He imagined turning his life around, making something of himself. Then maybe fate would bring them together somehow. But he's in California and she's in Connecticut - too far away. If he was in New York, maybe, but not here.  
  
The miles just keep rolling  
  
as the people either way to say hello  
  
I hear this life is overrated  
  
but I hope it gets better as we go  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
but your still on my lonely mind  
  
I think about you baby  
  
and I dream about you all the time  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
but your still with me in my dreams  
  
And tonight girl it's only you and me  
  
He zipped up his backpack and slowly walked down the boardwalk to the bookstore. He went straight to the back room to punch in and tossed his backpack on top of a stack of boxes and went to the front register. His supervisor Joe gave him the 'fun' job of inventory, so he rambled from shelf to shelf for the better part of the afternoon and evening, making mental notes of the books that he still hasn't read but would like to.  
  
Looking at the books, he came across 'Oliver Twist' and paused, running his finger along the spine of the book that he's read over and over since running away from her. He closed his eyes and could still picture the day when she called him Dodger. He could remember what she was wearing, how she had her hair, even the color of the bag she was carrying. 'Why are my memories of her so damn crystal clear?' he asked himself.  
  
Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love  
  
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done  
  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love  
  
He helped Joe close the store at 10:00 pm and walked down the boardwalk towards Jimmy's house, a solitary figure on an almost-deserted boardwalk. He was still feeling melancholy. 'When am I going to snap out of this?' he asked himself. Jimmy tried to play 'Dr. Phil' with him a few days ago, telling him that he needs to go out and find another girl to help him forget her - it figures he would say that. If something doesn't work, just throw it away and get another one - whether it's wives or kids or puppies. If only it was that easy for him.  
  
He got home and collapsed on the mattress in the guest room that served as his home. He pulled out his journal, deciding to write for a little while before he went to sleep. As he opened the book, the only photo he had of he and Rory fell out of the book and onto his lap. He picked it up as though it was the most precious and fragile thing he had ever seen. Lane had taken it of the two of them sitting on the bridge, 'their special place'. He longed to be there, to sit on the bridge with her, reading with her, talking to her. He sighed and shook his head as if to shake his thoughts out. He carefully put the picture back in the journal and set it down, turned off the light, expecting another restless night of sleep, filled with dreams of her.  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
but your still on my lonely mind  
  
I think about you baby  
  
and I dream about you all the time  
  
I'm here without you baby  
  
but your still with me in my dreams  
  
And tonight girl it's only you and me  
  
So? What did you think? Can you tell I'm feeling a little melancholy myself today? It's not my usual style of writing. 


	2. Here Without You Chapter 2

"Here Without You"  
  
NAME - Sandra aka Lukerules  
  
SPOILERS - None  
  
SUMMARY - Jess' reflections on leaving - my first song fic (by 3 Doors Down). For some reason, I've been inspired to write a second chapter to it!  
  
RATING -PG-13 (for language only)  
  
PAIRING OR CHARACTER - R/J  
  
DISCLAIMER - I own the rights to none of the characters, situations or places or anything to do with Gilmore Girls. They are owned by the WB and Amy S-P.  
  
FEEDBACK: Of course! Please!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Jess walked out of his English Lit class the next day, completely energized. The teacher, Ben, although a bit of a Southern California surfer-dude flake in Jess's eyes, had given him an A on his latest paper. He had also written a note with the grade, telling Jess that he had a tremendous gift for writing and that he could be compared to any of the great writers in literature. He couldn't help but grin at it when he read it. Not too many people complimented him, and he didn't get much encouragement in general growing up. He thought about how the paper was almost worthy of posting on the refrigerator if he was still a little kid. He never had anything refrigerator-worthy growing up in New York.  
  
He was completely jazzed about getting a good grade on this paper. It's not as though he worked really hard on it, but he was really happy how it had turned out. He quietly slipped into the computer lab and parked at a terminal, deciding to surf the net for a little while during his break between classes.  
  
He logged onto his free Yahoo mail account, checking to see if he had any messages from his old New York friends. Okay, maybe he was also hoping for an email from Rory. Not that it would happen. Rory taught him most of what he knew about the internet, in fact, she was the one who gave him his screen name - Dodgerpunk1. He found himself tapping the keys, almost unconsciously. www.yale.edu. He went to the student services page and saw that there was a phone/email book. He looked around the room, as though someone might be watching him. He chuckled to himself. **Yeah, like Luke or Lorelai are hanging out in the computer lab in a California high school waiting to pounce on me if I tried to make contact with her.**  
  
He typed in Gilmore and her name and email address came up. He quickly dug his journal out of his backpack and jotted down the address and phone number. He set the journal on the table and touched the screen lightly with his finger, running it over her name as if it would make her closer to him. He missed her so much.  
  
Suddenly the computer beeped at him and he jumped. "On-line now" flashed on the screen below her name. His breath caught in his throat. She was on- line. Right now. Right at the same moment that he was thinking about her, while he was thinking about contacting her. **Breathe, Mariano** he thought to himself.  
  
He clicked on the email link and an instant message screen popped up. He sucked a deep breath through his teeth, completely unsure of what to do next.  
  
TO: Rory.Gilmore@yale.edu From: DodgerPunk1@yahoo.com Message: I'm sorry.  
  
That was all he could write. Not too good for someone who is dreaming of becoming an author. He hesitated. He was completely unsure if this was a good idea or not. His finger hovered over the enter key, as though his life depended on it. He held his breath and pushed the button, expecting the machine to explode or something.  
  
He let his head drop and closed his eyes, covering them with his hands. "What the hell did I do?" he said to himself quietly, a hint of anger at himself in his voice.  
  
"Bing!" the computer beeped at him, signaling a message. He took a deep breath and took his hands off his eyes.  
  
TO: Dodgerpunk1@yahoo.com FROM: Rory.Gilmore@yale.edu Message: Jess? Where are you?  
  
He just stared at the screen. **She wrote back. She doesn't sound mad. Well, there are only four words, but at least she didn't just say 'go to hell' or something, so that is good.** Now he had to decide whether he wanted to IM his entire apology and explanation to her or not. What was he going to say?  
  
TO: Rory.Gilmore@yale.edu From: DodgerPunk1@yahoo.com Message: Venice (California) High School computer lab.  
  
**Is that all I'm going to write? Is that it?** he thought to himself. He could picture Rory sitting at her computer, reading the note, shaking her head in disbelief, a thousand more questions coming to her mind.  
  
He thought for a minute, chewing on the end of his pen in contemplation, then added:  
  
TO: Rory.Gilmore@yale.edu From: DodgerPunk1@yahoo.com Message: Venice (California) High School computer lab. Long story, too much for IM - expect .(**an email? A snail mail letter? A phone call?** he hesitated then the thought struck him) a smoke signal and/or a fruit basket shortly.  
  
Jess smiled to himself, remembering the argument that they had when Rory came back from D.C. and was avoiding him. He only hoped that she would remember it and understand - hell, maybe she would think It was funny too. He wanted to think he could still make her smile, even if he couldn't be with her anymore.  
  
******  
  
SO? What do you think? Should I continue???? 


End file.
